Reality
by ag-sasami
Summary: What is reality? Is it the love that consumes or the lust? Jealousy? Loyalty? Or is it something more?...some shounen-ai content Update: Chapter 5: Yami no Bakura
1. A Paradox of Self

**Sasami:** You are about to read the pseudo-sequel to _Sins of a Shadow_. I say pseudo in that it is not a direct response to Yami's thoughts, only in reference to them for the most part. Plus, this will not be a Yuugi one shot! Hooray! I have here some insight for all of you from Yuugi's perspective. Later chapters will be from other perspectives though…I think Malik is my next one. 

**Nijuu: **That's just scary… 

**Sasami: **Anyhoo, please enjoy, and remember to review.

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Reality 

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I have fallen in love with the pharaoh. The almighty ruler of an Egypt centuries since gone has, in such a short period, become the only one with whom I share my heart, soul, and body. He is hardly older than myself, a mere three years at best, yet he is three millennia my senior. Is it so strange to fall in love with someone like him? Yes. But the real question is 'do I care?' No. He is my everything, my existence, my soulmate, and my lover. They have all stared, have all asked how I can be so sure. They all empathize, and yet they will not understand no matter how hard they try. Not a single one of them sees the tender affection he pays me when no one watches. No one feels his heart race when I scream for his name. No one can fathom how deeply the light and darkness have become intertwined. He would not allow them to see everything, nor would I. 

My yami blames himself. I have heard his thoughts even when he wishes for me not to. He has still yet to realize how far into him I can see, how much of his existence I can hear. My beloved yami…I live my life as I see fit, and he has never forced me to do a thing despite the guilt that plagues him. I drowned myself in him, in his sweetness because it was right, and it was more than I could ever want. Sweetness. Yes, my yami is sweet. Sweeter than sugar and honey and, gods, something else I cannot even recall. But he is more than sweetness; he is passion and glory, feral and carnal, molasses and desert spice. Everything.

How could I fault him for loving me? Somewhere within him, I feel his self-condemnation for this love of ours. Yes, ours. Guilt and fear have driven my dearest yami to think he stole my innocence away from me. Steal my innocence? I _gave_ him my innocence because he deserved it. What mistake did I make in offering him what he lacked? My entirety belongs to him. It always has. Nothing I give him is obligated; my innocence was everything he needed. That is my purpose, to be the absolute innocence in the face of his beautiful corruption. Poison, as he believes it to be. 

He asked me once if I could pass judgment upon my own darkness. What judgment do I have right to pass? He fears my resentment for that first night of passion. More than anything in the world, I wanted what he gave me that night. Fulfillment. Completion. Passion. Love. Gods, I love him so. 

I know he loves me too. Ultimately, he has reached the point where he will speak the words. Not solely within our mind. Not just in the whispered silences after we've made love. All the time. There is a quiet desperation in his voice, as if he fears I will disappear if he fails to inform me at every opportunity. We both realize how hopelessly lost within each other we are. I would die without him. Willingly. Without hesitation. 

He was not the only lost soul. I too was lost without him. Indeed, I freed him from the prison that was the puzzle, but how he freed me too in that moment when our eyes first met. I've always loved him I think. Even when I thought I loved others, it was always him. We were created for each other, two halves of a whole, and utterly incomplete without one another. How did I live before him?

I have heard his thoughts, his innermost voice, and the words he cannot speak aloud. Even now, he thinks of me and fears. Never would he admit the fear, but I can sense it within him; he fears that I am angry with him, that I blame him for the relationship he thinks he forced me into. Most of all though, he fears he will lose me. Precious yami of mine cannot even see it himself, but I can. Me, the _naïve_ hikari can see the fear even the pharaoh cannot.

So I hold him, bathed in moonlight, hold him like there is no tomorrow. We're damaged, he and I. But, he wrapped his brokenness around me, and I felt whole. The world could end for all I care, as long as I could have his arms wrapped around me like this forever. Hell, I would destroy the world if it meant keeping my yami beside me forever. No one would expect it. Not even Yami. Chances are there will not be a tomorrow anyway. Perhaps I have breathed his corruption deeper than I once considered. 

And still we hold each other, in this maddening intoxication of twilight, within our heady visions of eternity. Gods forbid heaven watch us, for what we do is wrong. And yet, despite it all, nothing could be more right. To be loved this way…who else could claim this love as their own? In furies of passionate need and desire and lust, I have found infatuation and eternal devotion. Love lies behind his kiss, and I embrace it, drink it in, allow it swallow me whole. He is my soulmate. He is everything I lack, and everything I desire. He is the one I love, now and forever. 

It is only recently I have seen how deep this emotion of mine, of ours, runs. Only recently have I realized how much he cares for me, how much he has relinquished for my sake. There is so much vulnerability that he has suppressed so I will not worry for him, so much power he has renounced to oblige my aversion to violence. I see it in his mind when he thinks I cannot. So, I kiss him. What else could I possibly do? I take his breath away in gratitude, and in his bewilderment, he smiles. A genuine smile I alone possess; Yami smiles for no other.

All I want is to feel. I long to feel him beside me, in my mind, in my body. When he is not, I feel incomplete, and yet I must go about my life without him alongside me occasionally. But when I return, he is there for me. Gods he amazes me, and I just want to kiss him senseless. It's amusing really, that I want what he wants so much more often that not. What I really want is him. His lips against my own, pressing tender and firm, and always wanting more. His skin against my own, warm and salty, and golden as the desert sky at dusk and dawn. Those blessed hands of his always touching and nuzzling and caressing. You see, I have fallen unequivocally in love with my shadow. My darkness. 

//Forever is a long time aibou, like trying to sweep away Mount Everest with a handkerchief. Will you spend it with me anyway?//

Gladly.

What is left for you to see when reality has held you in his tender embrace?

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**Sasami: **Yea! *^^ I think I will write my Malik chapter next…*grin*  

**Nijuu: **Scary…o.O

**Sasami: **Scary, but oh so beautiful. I have such plans for that chapter…*skips off to write it* 


	2. Love Like No Tomorrow

**Sasami: **Hooray for a second chapter. I could not post this story without two chapters from the start, since I came up with this chapter before the last one. I could not for the life of me put it in the proper words though! Forgive me, but it is still short. *^^ I tried really hard, but it is difficult to get into Malik's mind…grrr…

Our dear, though slightly deranged, hikari…Malik.

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**_Reality_**

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I think I have lost my mind.

No, in fact, I know I have. Just when did I discover this? When I realized I was in love with a bloodthirsty slaughterer. Myself. Well, myself and yet not me. My darkness, my shadow. The spirit of the Sennen Rod, and the keeper of my heart and soul. 

The pharaoh hates him, I think I might hate him too. It's a love-hate relationship really. I love him one moment, and in the next, I hate him. Bakura seems to like him, but I do not consider the tomb robber to be of sound mind as a general rule of thumb. I swear that spirit is more sadistic than my own dear shadow.

To be frank, I don't give a fuck about the pharaoh, the tomb robber, or the rest of the entourage for that matter. They feel the same I am certain. My yami did try to take over the world, and for that he is despised. I embraced him for it, and for that I am despised. What choice did I have? He is my soulmate, my other half, and all the other sentimentalities I have heard and believe so desperately. Pharaoh should understand us more than anyone should. 

But he does not. He called my yami crazy. Crazy! I suppose it would appear that way. In fact, I have wondered myself on several occasions whether he was or not. I realize now of course that he is not. Not by any stretch of the word, unless of course one should suggest that he is crazy for power. That he is, but psychotic? Never. Those poor unfortunate bastards do not see his mind and soul as only I can.

Crazy hn? He stays confined in the house the majority of the time. I would have it no other way. My yami is a homicidal maniac, but he is quite sane. All the world has seen is the killer with the incoherent babbling. He _is_ quite incomprehensible when he speaks audibly. Beneath all his layers of blood and death and madness though, is a mind so stunning and clear, it nearly breaks my heart. His thoughts are so lucid and beautiful; it still startles me when he speaks so silently within.

His every thought is of blood, death, destruction, and me. More of me than anything though. He rarely speaks aloud anymore; he knows how it pains me to see such insanity masking his eloquence. So, he speaks to my heart and mind of the things he loves…me above all else. Maybe I am crazy, but Ra, I love him with more than I'm capable of. 

Deaths are for me. The blood is for me. The destruction is for me. I think I drank too much of him, but somehow he is right. I want it all as much as he does. To see this world end at his hands. To see the pharaoh overthrown in this world. They all hate us anyway, what difference would it make? When he comes in all stained with the blood of the less than innocent, I cannot help but smile. We will never go down without a fight. Fail? Yes, we will most certainly fail, but not without bloodshed. 

I want him so desperately when he returns from the kill. Platinum hair all stained scarlet and gorgeous with that carnal passion in his eyes. My darkness tastes like power. That's truly the only word to explain that inexplicable taste of his. It's intense and controlling, tinged with millennia of hate, of desire, of love. I cannot get enough. Lips pressed roughly together in a frantic attempt to save our lingering sanity in the flavor of each other. It has always been this way. My hands running through his blood soaked hair, tasting that metallic sweetness of ruby colored fever on his lips and tongue. It eats away at us. Our demise threatens to overtake us, and all we can do is lay intertwined in love and lust, consummating our fate.

It has always been this way. It will always be this way. All the love in the world, all the lovemaking in the world will not save us in the end. We both know it. We are doomed to fail. And fail we will; we will fail everything but one another. So, we live on in this tainted dream of ours, the smell of death permeating our existence. My yami's hands will never be clean of the blood he bathes in. Nor will mine.  

Fuck the world; just leave me my yami and the rest is entropy. We all know it.

What does reality have left to offer when you have savored the blood of thousands on the lips of your lover?  

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**Sasami: **There you are. I plan on having a Jounouchi chapter and probably Kaiba too…maybe I'll get a Mai or Yami chapter too. Hell, maybe I'll do both. I'm kind of hung up on _Fears of the Stone_ right now, so I have a few one shots I need to get down in the meantime. I'm hoping it will help the writer's block.

**Nijuu: **Really now, who decided a story had to transition well? Start the chapter and end it! You're done! Poof! o.O Even I don't have any ideas…Please review. 

**Sasami: **Thankies!


	3. Green Eyed Moster

Here's my new chappie! It's short. _Really_ short, I know. I'm sorry! *bows* There just wasn't much I wanted to say with this character. Hahahaha. It was fun to write Mokuba though. Yes, this is a Mokuba chapter. I don't know how old he is though, probably 11 or 12. Anyway, as always read and review!

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Reality 

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This sucks. I've just been sitting here, watching them cuddle. What else can I do? We came because I wanted to come, but I'm not having fun anymore. Nii-sama didn't want to come, but he can't say no to me, and now I want to leave. But I can't bug them right now. I guess Nii-sama can't say no to him either…his _puppy_…it's so wrong. Yea, I still like Jou-kun and all, but do they _have_ to make-out everywhere they go? Gods, he's even sitting on Nii-sama's lap, in _my _spot. 

It's not like I love Nii-sama. I mean, I do, just not the way Jou-kun does. That would just be gross! He's my brother. I just…I guess…Maybe I could explain it better if it wasn't me, more like that girl in the park. She was just sitting on her dad's shoulders smiling and laughing, and she leans down and says, "Let's get married daddy!" I feel _just_ like that. That girl wasn't in love with her dad, I think she just wanted to spend the rest of her life with someone she really looked up to. Nii-sama is the person I look up to, and he used to like me the best once too.

But, he likes Jou-kun best now. I know it's not the same kind of like, and he still loves me, but I'm still jealous. I used to be the only one who sat on Nii-sama's lap. He would come home from the office at night when I was younger, and I would sit on his lap and we would talk. We talked about everything. Then one day Jou-kun ended up there. Jou-kun who Nii-sama always hated so much! I really don't get how he could change his mind so fast. Jou-kun is nice, he and Yuugi-kun and the rest are my friends even if Nii-sama says he doesn't like them. And I like Nii-sama too of course, but I don't like Jou-kun and Nii-sama together. I don't like it at all. 

Puppy. That's what Nii-sama calls him. Puppy?! Somehow, Nii-sama calling him a pathetic dog turned into Nii-sama calling him _puppy_. It seriously grosses me out. I don't think it's bad or anything that they love each other, I just never expected Nii-sama to like guys. I always pictured him dating someone like Anzu-chan. Well, maybe someone less annoying, but a girl anyway. I've heard them go at it before, and it's _not_ something I want to listen to again. I don't think it would bother me so much if it was anyone else, but it's Jou-kun. Do you know how weird it is to see those two together? Cuddling and kissing all the time…gods it's just weird! 

I swear our house isn't big enough for all of us, and it's huge! Everywhere I go, there they are. It's really hard to get used to your brother and your friend dating each other, especially when they are both guys. I don't think it's really possible at all. I can't even get away from it outside of the house! I dragged Nii-sama here to the arcade because Yuugi-kun invited me, and I didn't want to go alone. I forgot that Jou-kun would be coming too. Of course he would though, he and Yuugi-kun are best friends. So there they are, over in that booth all over each other. I just never thought about two guys falling in love with each other. I guess Yuugi-kun and Bakura-kun fell in love with their yami's, but they aren't my brothers, so it's not the same thing.

Does no one else see them? Maybe I'm the only one who cares. I shouldn't. I really shouldn't care who Nii-sama is in love with, but I do. And because I care about it, I'm not having fun anymore. Maybe I'm just a selfish little kid, but I don't care about being immature. I do care that Nii-sama is all over a guy he used to hate. Jealous much? Hell yea I am. Jou-kun took Nii-sama from me. I'm really worried that they will end up hurting each other though. Nii-sama isn't used to being in love, and I don't know if Jou-kun is either. I don't want to see either of them hurt over this…whatever it is they have. If this is what it's like, I never want to be in love!

But what can you do about it when reality is sitting on your brother's lap?

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So there you are. Mokuba. I figured he probably wasn't a genius like his brother, so I tried to make him sound like a normal pre-teen sort of kid. How did I do? Seriously, let me know. Does he actually sound like an 11 or 12 year old? I've been trying out some new styles and what not that I got from analyzing stories in AP English…Hopefully it worked as planned. *^^ R&R PLEASE!!!! o.O


	4. Nyctophobia

**Sasami: **After far too long, I bring you the next chappie of _Reality_. *^^ 

**Nijuu: ** Ohohohohoho! I'm back! Miss me much? As is standard procedure…the disclaimer! 

If we owned Yuugiou, would it have been allowed to be dubbed? o.O

**Sasami: **Thankies! *^^ I'll thank all of you reviewers at the bottom! And now onto the chappie brought to you by none other than:

Yami no Malik.

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**_Reality_**

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How wrong you are.

How wrong you all are. 

I have felt it clawing at me, forcing itself upon me, staking its claim over my mind. Have you ever been so fortunate? My nature has never changed, but suddenly, death and destruction and violence and hate make me insane. Only in your eyes mortal fools. I could have drowned the world in blood you would have never noticed, except that now I have threatened you.

Fear it! Quiver in terror and let your screams hang in the air, cloying and delicious as the reddened wine you poured for me. Insanity is it? Who was it that begged for redemption when facing a demon? Who is insane now? Your life has become mine, and I have gladly emptied your glass.

He likes me better this way. Stained and high on tainted euphoria, painting the floor with your indispensable life, the taste of copper transferred to his lips. He's as hungry as I am for your destruction. But he calls it love.

Lust and passion and violent attraction, but love? I cannot know what you have not given to me. 

How confused you are. You call me a spirit, tell me you love me, and yet you do not comprehend this thing. You don't realize what it is yet that ties us down to this Ra forsaken place. I am not a spirit, not like those weak fools who seek to destroy us; I am a part of you, your darkest parts. Hate and violence and despair and longing and loneliness. Love was never a part of that equation, yet you expect me to understand it. 

We are beyond power struggles and contempt for one another, so why are we still buying our time here? It's like a painting. Our dreams in red. I've been substituting colors all this time, because you are the only one with the proper shade…but I'm not ready for it yet. 

You hold our trump card though. If we want out of this, all I need is that paint…but you are not ready to give it either. You aren't ready to give up on the power scarred in your flesh [1] any more than I am. So we'll lay here in lust, entangled in our future, biding our time until we can reach the ultimate means to our end. 

We don't have a chance. We'll lose. We already have, and yet we keep trying despite ourselves. I've offered you a taste of our dreams, crimson and beating and flowing metallic and rich. In the end, isn't that why we are still floundering here in existence? In the end, isn't that the raison d'être [2] for these silent contemplations? Isn't it? There is nothing left here for us, and yet we linger in the shadows. Couldn't we just hide here? Forever in the shadows where we belong. Waiting. Always waiting.

Dreams of red and dreams of nothingness haunt me. Here we are, trapped in this masterpiece of crimson upon ruby upon scarlet, ever painting to keep the canvas moist, always awaiting another coat. Each hue different than the next. Every tone, thousands upon thousands of them, varied from the last subordinate shade. It's incomplete you know, and you are the only one who can finish it. But not yet, not until we've reached the last page of this haunting story. Not until you've submitted to defeat. Not until the strains of eternity drag us back to our darkness. Not until you've found the power you seek, until we've sated our desires. Then I'll find us a corner of shadows, beyond the red in an perpetual void. Darkness where we can sleep. Silence where we can hide. Nothingness where we can be undisturbed for the remainder of time. A place where you can finally rest your head and clear your mind of this troubled existence. Anti climatic perhaps, but it is all that we have ever needed.

You call it love, this thing that keeps us here. I think it might be ambition that keeps us and not love at all. A mutual strive for a mutual goal. But then again, I do not know of love, so perhaps you are correct. Perhaps your _love_ is not an unfathomable concept when all is said and done. Perhaps it is our reality.

But when you have been blinded by something you have never seen, what _is_ reality?

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Authoress notes:

[1]- refers to Malik's back, where the secret of the power of the pharaoh was tattooed…or something to that effect

[2]- underlying principle, justification [at least that's what the thesaurus says]…French I think, also the name of a Chobits song

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No beta reader for this story, so I apologize if there are questionable parts in my writing. 

**Thank you:**

**shitsumon: ***huggles* That did make me all happy! Mmmm…Story #1 is now titled, _Case Study_, but it is still quite far from finished. *^^ I'm hoping to have it out before the end of the year.

**SoulDreamer: **I did continue…see! And there is more yet to come! *^^

**yuu:** I am thinking about doing Yami no Bakura and Ryou chappies, but they haven't quite come together yet. I'm glad everyone seems in character, I can never tell. *grin*

crazytomboy1: I swear I didn't forget them!!! I love-s those two, the muses just haven't deemed a chappie 'inspire worthy' yet. I did do a Y/YY chappie, sort of. The first chappie is Yuugi's, and my story _Sins of a Shadow_ is Yami no Yuugi's equivalent. *plugged story* Nyaha! *^^ 

**TresTriste: **It's kosher if you don't like a chappie based on a character, but thank you for the input on the characterization. Mmmm…thankies. I do get a clever line or two every once in a while.

**Rae: **I promise I'll write more…more often too maybe. *^^ I am a sucker for fluffy/angsty stories…

**Neko-baka-chan-chan-sensei:** *glomp* Thankies! *uber happy that you reviewed* This chappie is another fun one. *^^

**Twilight Dreams: **aren't they though? I like them too. *^^ Yeaness!

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That be all for now folk-les! ßpronounced like Popples…anyone else remember those things? 


	5. Through Someone Else's Eyes

Yeaness! I have finally updated this poor story!  
  
Disclaimer: I do not own Yuugiou. Do you think this would be called fan fiction if I did?  
  
Without further ado.Yami no Bakura's chappie.  
  
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Reality  
  
Chapter Five: Through Someone Else's Eyes [1]  
  
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Go to sleep yadonushi [2]. Sleep forever for all I care. We both know your nightmare haunts your waking hours when sleep will not come, when darkness consumes you but you cannot retreat from it nor resist it. Feh.  
  
You are so weak.  
  
How can the damned yadonushi be so weak? Is it so much to want more power in this body of ours? Is it so much to want a challenge when I try to take control? The poor fool has no will left to fight me for his own body.  
  
It's because the nightmare took that too.  
  
I really have taken everything from him haven't I? His body is mine [3]. His life is in my hands. I've taken his home, his existence, his soul. Guilt. Not an emotion I know. The Ra-damned pharaoh has told me countless times that I should feel bad about what I do.  
  
Bastard.  
  
What a hypocrite. We were the same once. Pharaoh too killed for sport, for pleasure under the pretense of trespass in his soul [4]. Now though.ku. Now that he has become so righteous, I should feel guilty about controlling what little fate I have been given to hold. They're simply scraps from the table, but at least I have not become weak. I am still strong despite yadonushi's weakness.  
  
Yadonushi. Hn. It's strange how he's grown on me despite my proclaimed disgust of him. Apparently sharing a body makes hatred difficult to maintain. Even so, I do not claim to like him. No, this feeling is something different, something I cannot explain. I can just hear that Mazaki girl, 'Ah, it's love.' Whiny bitch [5].  
  
Wishful thinking. Love is such a trifling, betraying little emotion. How could I possibly love yadonushi? I have no use for love, nor would I be able to offer it if I wished. Does she truly believe I could give something I have never received? Besides, it's not as though he could love me after the Hell I've put him through.  
  
It's a means to an end when all else is burned away. When the Sennen items are mine, I won't have a use for him any longer, save for his body [6]. Though, the Sennen items are another problem altogether, or rather the end that I seek is. Once I have all seven items, what use will they serve? Yes, I will be powerful, but why exactly did I need the power so badly? Nothing will stop me from getting them regardless, but I have lost sight of my original purpose. Somehow, the end I seek is lost to me.  
  
No matter.  
  
What a lie. I don't understand how I could have forgotten such a thing! Yadonushi has distracted me I suppose; so long I have tried to counterbalance his weakness that my reason has vanished. Damn it all! I will not become weak as the pharaoh has!  
  
Were I logical and levelheaded as yadonushi is, it might occur to me how terrified I am of weakening beyond hope. But, I am not yadonushi, and I will never resign myself to that. Never! If I give into that delusion I will never succeed.  
  
I'll be looking through someone else's eyes forever.  
  
What is reality worth if it costs you your freedom?  
  
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Author's Notes:  
  
[1] The title.my original title was 'Until the Day I Die,' but obviously that did not happen. YnBakura has a sharing problem, as in he does not want to share his body with his weaker omote [more on this later]; thus, he is always forced to look out through someone else's eyes.  
  
[2] yadonushi- King's property; I have also seen it translated as host  
  
[3] Take it how you will  
  
[4] In the early volumes of the manga, YnYuugi used to kill and/or torture people, either psychologically or physically, who offended him, Yuugi, or Yuugi's friends and family.  
  
[5] that Mazaki girl- Mazaki Anzu.for the record, I do not detest her character any longer. She is still whiny though.  
  
[6] The cool translucent bodies of the yami are only seen by their hikari, so YnBakura would still need a body if he were in possession of all of the Sennen Items.it's a different view than I generally take.  
  
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Yami no Bakura: Crazy? Quite likely.  
  
Strong? Doubtless, but he is not as strong as he believes. In all truth, YnBakura is controlled by the will of his hikari, Bakura Ryou [Ryou for my purposes], though he feels that he has the upper hand because Ryou is so weak willed when it comes to control of the body. Ryou is not actually weak though, he just relinquishes control to his yami more quickly.probably a lesson learned the hard way.  
  
Confused? No.not you, Yami no Bakura. Yes, he is confused. [Mind you this is not canon, but rather my interpretation for the purposes of this chappie.] He's forgotten why he needed the power of the Sennen Items, because his changing mentality toward Ryou distracts him. YnBakura slowly comes to view his "yadonushi" with something other than disdain. Yea!  
  
In love? Absolutely not. I don't think that YnBakura is incapable of love, he just doesn't know how to love. His past, which is too lengthy to discuss, did not offer any love for him and therefore he does not know how to show love.  
  
I decided to take a different direction with this chapter than originally planned. No fluff and no separate bodies. What a concept for a screaming shounen-ai fangirl. *^^ I was pondering what it would be like to be trapped in someone else's head, and came up with this painfully short chappie. Don't get me wrong, I love yami/hikari pairings, but this version felt more appropriate. Though, I just noticed how much it digresses from the whole concept of this collection. *o.o*  
  
As for my original title: Until the Day I Die. This is the title of a Story of the Year song which I have absolutely fallen in love with. As it is, I heard the song while I was writing this chapter last night.  
  
My hands are at your throat, and I think I hate you. We made the  
same mistakes.Until the day I die, I'd spill my heart for you.  
  
*giggle* Anyway, YnBakura doesn't truly hate Ryou as much as he would believe, or as much as it would seem to a viewer. He thinks he hates him, but would die for him anyway. Like YnBakura has a choice whether or not he would die for his hikari. It's ironic really.  
  
That's all then! Please read and review as usual. 


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